Log 028

Log 028

-Author: Rinas Rylos

-Rank: C.E.O.

-Corporation: Rinas' Raiders (R.R.A.S.)

-Date: 115.06.16

Not gonna lie, Diary, I am all battled out at the moment. Been taking contract after contract for all these bloodthirsty bastards. If I gave enough of a shit to actually be offended by all this needless bloodshed, I'd say that the current system in place for claiming ownership of some place isn't exactly working out very well, given that they've all usually changed hands just a couple days afterwards and ten to twenty minutes of shooting, explosions, and more killing than the average day in the life of the Gallentean secret police.

Speaking of which, my own killing seems to fluctuate between two given extremes per contract lately, enough to the point where I've begun noticing it, at least. Either I'm mowing down bottom-barrel idiots who can barely point the end that the bullets come out of at the enemy, to say nothing of these half-wit jackasses that only fit under the label of "driver" because they are behind the wheel of a vehicle. If I killed half as many people with a gun as these idiots do by braining them with a front-end bumper, my inbox would have corps begging me to fight for them. With that said, all plating on the vehicles doesn't mean much when I can just shoot you in the head, but anyone who wasn't expecting to be shot while they drive around in a colossal hunk of fuel and wiring was very likely a few bullets short of a clip anyway.

Molden Heath continues to be littered with enough dead mercs to impress even some capsuleers. Probably. I get the reports on my news feed but I barely pay attention to them nowadays. Not that I don't take my work seriously, I've just been trying to find some more non-work related interests outside of coffee and visiting my therapist and writing in this goddamned thing. I used to read the newspaper and news sites and stuff quite a bit way back when, but that was back when...well, it felt like they mattered. Once you've risen above planetary squabbles, they don't seem half as important as they used to, to say nothing of government. I mean, yeah, everyone keeps up with who is leading what and who's in charge of what military, but that's less out of genuine interest and more of practicality. Even those fucking pirates probably like to know who is hiring capsuleers to nail their sad little asses, and I'll admit it's a little funny to admit that all these factions now have to come up with ways to deal with and pay us in order to stay competitive in today's New Eden. We are the new face of ground combat, after all. Even if I don't think I've seen a single other merc's face.

Doc asked me about the trip I took down the other day. I think he was worried that in such familiar territory might've triggered a relapse, but for the most part I'm alright. Told him pretty much what I told you, but with less words. It seemed to put him at ease, but I think he was still a little worried. Aside from that, though, he said he was happy with how much progress I'd made since I'd first started talking to him. Said I'd "opened up" more, and I didn't seem like quite the psychotic killer that I was. Am. Sometimes. Whatever. He also asked me if I could help with out with a new patient he was due to begin treating next week. Apparently she'd had a little episode like I had, only instead of freaking out and murdering a shitload of other mercs, she'd done it aboard a civilian shuttle. Gallentean government covered it up, claiming it was a terrorist attack or some shit by the Caldari, but part of her parole was that she'd have to seek out some psychiatric help. I asked Doc about why so much of his clientele was fuck-up mercs, and apparently most of his training was for help with veterans and whatnot who suffered from PTSD. But, he said, the continual warfare that is the life of a merc seems to have an even bigger psychological strain on some of us, so he decided to begin trying to help what few of us would admit to being fucked in the head as well.

After hearing -that-, there wasn't a chance in hell I could say no. How the fuck could I decline after hearing something like that? I told Doc I doubt I'd be much use, but he was welcome to my...experience, if he needed it. I'm still not sure how I'm going to help him, but I figure it's the last I can do, given how much he's shared with me so far. Besides, I'll admit that I'm kinda curious about how I used to act, and it might be neat to see it from an outside perspective.

-End Log