Log 012

Log 012

-Author: Rinas Rylos
-Rank: Soldier
-Corporation: Hostile Acquisition Inc. (H.A.I.)
-Date: 115.05.02

Hello, diary. Sorry about the other day, but when the flashbacks happen it's all I can do not to just ram a pistol down my throat. Therapist visited again yesterday, brought along one of his daughters. Not exactly sure how smart of an idea bringing a small child to the apartment of a killer was, but I can't say it didn't help to see her. Vena (Short for Veneera) was her name, seven years old and more energetic than a Caldari salesman with a real super offer. Could barely keep her still sometimes, and I'm not entirely sure but I think she may have ordered me a set of tanks by accident before I could get the interface away from her. She had her father...uh..one of her father's hair, little blond ringlets that cascaded down her head and framed her face, and a smile that reminded me of my sister's. She was quick too, all that energy made her speedier than myself in a scout suit with a couple physical boosters.

Anyway, they took me out of my apartment for the first time in a couple days, and I showed them around the  station. The doc was already pretty familiar with it, but the little one had apparently never been off her station before and was all wide-eyes and cute little gasps. I don't think there was a person we passed who didn't smile at the sight of her, arms waving at anyone nearby, a grin plastered on her face. I can't blame them. She had a happy-go-lucky demeanor that made it almost impossible not to smile whenever you saw her. While she was busy picking out some candy from a store we'd wandered into, Doc told me she was actually his sister's daughter, but she'd been one of the ships that'd gotten caught up in the battle of Jita, so he was her guardian now. It hurt to look at her sometimes, he said, because her face and temperament reminded him so much of his sister, but for the most part he was happy just to give her a home and be there for her. Better that he deal with the occasional pangs of grief than she grow up not knowing the only family she had left, he said. I...I didn't know what to say, really. Capsuleers are bastards? Pretty fucking sure he knows that by now. I'm sorry for your loss? Yeah, coming from a killer-for-hire, I'm sure that'd sound real sincere.

Thankfully, Vena picked that time to come back to us with her chosen sweet, allowing me to dodge the awkward moment about to ensue and continue our little stroll. We went through a few stores and talked a bit more about my episodes, sending the girl off whenever shit got inappropriate. He suggested I take a bit of time off contracts and battling, let myself rest for a bit. I told him that would probably just make things worse. Killing might not exactly help me, but at least it's something to take my mind off shit. Even a week just doing...whatever, would undoubtedly just screw me up even more than I already am. I told him that I'd consider it once I found something else to do, which caused him to reply that that was now his number one priority in our sessions. If he thinks it'll help, I'm not about to tell the guy who went to school for this what to do, but...well, I guess we'll see.

We talked a lot more about stuff as we strolled through the station. I bought Vena a few new toys despite Doc's reluctance, and it was kinda nice to spend my ISK on something that wasn't either a necessity or weaponry, though I think I just about broke the shopkeep when I told him I'd be paying with it. Without an unimaginable doubt I paid far too much for her stuff, but still better that the wealth is spread out a little. Plus...it was a little fun to mess with the guy, I'll admit.

It seemed like we'd barely gotten started on our stroll when the time came for them to leave. I gave Vena a kiss on the cheek and she reciprocated the move before making me promise her that I'd come to visit sometime. God, I grew more attached to that little girl in a day than I have to the people I fight and die next to. Doc gave me a hug and told me I'd be welcome at his place any time, and that he'd expect me to come over at some time as well. Not just for Vena, he said, but for his other daughter as well. I gave him a nod before they set off down the hall for the shuttle, Vena eagerly waving goodbye the entire time. I gave her a small wave of my own before I returned to my apartment and stared at a wall for a solid hour. Compared to how it had felt with them, suddenly my place just felt so..sparse. Lifeless. Empty. I gave a sigh before looking up ship departure times, reserving a few first class VIP seats on some over the next week just in case I felt like visiting.

Vena had been a living flashback of my own, but not in a bad way. She reminded me of my sister, Rika, and of my own childhood. Before I knew just how shot to hell New Eden had become.

-End Log.